Wednesday, August 18, 2010

W.W.I.D.

Today's work is based on a Blog posting by Julia Colwell, author of A Guide to the Wild Ride: Navigating the Open Sea of Relationship (among other titles!) and facilitator extraordinaire, therapist and co-founder of Boulder Center for Conscious Living in Boulder, CO. The questions I am answering here are questions she asked in a recent posting on her blog:
http://juliacolwell.com/appreciation/if-this-were-a-perfect-world/

She is absolutely wonderful in person - and now she has put that wonderful stuff into writing and post it for all of us to see! I have taken workshops from both Julie and her partner, Kathy Kucsan, and have even bumped into her at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival.  I thought it would be worthwhile to actually ANSWER these questions rather than ponder them, for when Julie asks a question, it usually has an answer I need to hear myself say.



I'm committing to answering each one with the first thing(s) that pops into my head and not rereading again and again to change them.  Let's see what happens: 


If this were a perfect world, every day I would: write, drink great coffee, laugh, spend time doing something fun outside, tell the people that I love that I love them and always say the hard and wonderful things to people that are often left unsaid, have plenty of time for meals with great people and being creative

If this were a perfect world, the work I would do would be: writing for a cause, teaching people something new and giving them the opportunity to understand the world in a new way - in ways that will only better their lives and the lives of those around them. Perhaps I would be writing about what I teach and teaching about what I write - Equality, fairness and safety come to mind. Healthy friendship and relationship and family work comes to mind. I would be writing for national magazines and blogs and be one of the big idea people that writers, teachers and social justice workers nation-wide look to for nuggets of wisdom about how to offer opportunities for growth around differences and equality for all people. I know that this will change as I do more and I will probably want more. At present, I want to be the state-wide GLBTIQ  trainer for all the schools in CO, including teachers, admin and parents. (Hey, it's worth putting it out there, right?)


If this were a perfect world, my relationships would: BE the example of what to strive for for many others. It will be fun and light and yet encouraging and pushing me to grow. It will be full of love and gentleness. It would be recognized by all my family, friends, coworkers and society and the state and federal governments and my children would have no worry of being harassed b/c they have 2 moms.

If this were a perfect world, the things I would change about my life are:  I would take more risks, even when I have not weighed out all the options so that I'm okay if it it doesn't work out or KNOW that I will succeed. I would let myself fail sometimes so that I can learn about myself from myself in a different way.  Rob Brezsny said to me just this week (I know he writes horoscopes for all people in the sign, but this one I am sure was directing right at me!), "Try something new about how you present yourself." I'm sure this means to start taking more risks and to not be the play-it-safe guru all the time. 


To view this as a perfect world, my perspective would change in these ways: 
Wow, this is a harder one to answer.
I am thinking it has to do with fear. That I would have to honor my fear and let myself want things that I don't have and let myself feel as thought I deserve those things that I want. I am a self-sabotager, you see. I stop short of even thinking I want something else or something more because I fear I will not get it anyway or that I am just not good enough to get it.  I even have an ongoing Deserve Level Chart (Deserve-o-Meter) that gets filled in when I feel really good and deserving (yesterday, it got some extra marks b/c i got 2 thank you cards in the mail).  I do this so that I will have a visual of something to SHOW ME that I can ask for more from this universe and this life experience. 

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