Tuesday, June 22, 2010

a simple vision

I was just in that half-way place between sleep and awake – where things are real and not real at the same time. The dreams I get from this in-between place are memories and futures all in one. They are the way things are and the way things were, the way things ought to be and the way things have never been before. They make the most sense of nearly anything in the world.

Just now, I saw only a picture of a place. Nothing happened and nothing didn’t happen. The scene a little unfamiliar, but completely known. The place I saw was my childhood home. I see this a lot in my dreams and in my daydreams. You know how you picture a place with the same view almost every time? It’s as if a snapshot of a certain moment stays glued to the screen in our minds. And although it makes no sense to see things from above, as if we are outside ourselves and looking down - that’s how we see a certain place or remember an event.

Only tonight, I saw this place from an entirely new perspective. I usually see it from - I’m not even sure now – for I only see it from this new place and can’t remember what the old vision was like. I just know that this new perspective is different and that the old one was the same forever.

Everything about it is different. I analyzed the angle at which I look down at it and it is not the same as before – but what was it before? The direction is not the same, nor the width of the lens. This one, I believe, is wider and more inclusive of the surroundings and context to other buildings and landmarks. I can’t place now how it looked before, I can only say it didn’t look like this.

I can’t help but wonder…Is this half-way place dream telling me that I am looking at my past through a different lens? That I have seen something new about the way things are and the way things ought to be? If I see the things that happened in my life in this new way, unable to see things the old way –will I have a different lived experience? My life up until now has been what it is, but if I see it differently, what does that do to my memories - the experiences as they are in my head?

You know how you sometimes only remember how something made you feel and the details about what happened or what was said are forgotten? I am lingering in this feeling of delight at this half-way place dream. I feel happy for it’s effect but I have no idea why. This simple vision was accompanied by this feeling and nothing else, except the wondering.


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